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How To Find A Good Christian Wife, And Keep Her!
           Introduction  
  1. The Origins of Marriage  
  2. First Impressions
  3. Dealing With Rejection
  4. The Art of Conversation 		  5. Keys to Understanding Women
  6. Persuasion
  7. Dating: Asking For A Date
  8. God's Rules for Intimacy
  9. Adultery
  10. Biblical Definition of Marriage
  11. Divorce
  12. Remarriage
  13. Biblical Narrative Instructions
  14. The Goal: A Biblical Marriage

Chapter 8:  God’s Rules For Intimacy

Before we go into the deeply biblical portion of this study and look at what constitutes a marriage, when does God permit divorce, and that do the scriptures say about adultery, we are going to look at God’s rules for intimacy. Now we are not under the old testament law in the age of grace, but the things in the old testament law still give us the opportunity to see how God views certain things and what is loving to our neighbor. Remember, Christ said that the whole old testament law was just examples of how to show love and honor for God and how to love your neighbor by your actions.

Mat 22:36-40  "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?" Jesus replied: "'love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'love your neighbor as yourself.' all the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."

So then, while the letter of the law is no longer in effect, many of the principles taught in the law still show us how to lead a life that is pleasing to God and respectful of our neighbor.

Adultery has from the very beginning, even before the law was give to Moses, been against God’s will. We can see this from the verses below pertaining to Abraham and Isaac.

Gen 12:15-18  And when Pharaoh's officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels. But the Lord inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram’s wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. "What have you done to me?" He said. "Why didn't you tell me she was your wife?

Gen 20:3 NIV  but God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, "you are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman."

Gen 26:6-11  so Isaac stayed in Gerar. When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, "she is my sister," because he was afraid to say, "she is my wife." He thought, "the men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful." When Isaac had been there a long time, Abimelech king of the philistines looked down from a window and saw Isaac caressing his wife Rebekah. So Abimelech summoned Isaac and said, "she is really your wife! Why did you say, 'she is my sister'?" Isaac answered him, "because I thought I might lose my life on account of her." Then Abimelech said, "what is this you have done to us? One of the men might well have slept with your wife, and you would have brought guilt upon us." So Abimelech gave orders to all the people: "anyone who molests this man or his wife shall surely be put to death."

Later in history God gave his law to Moses to make it plain what his will was concerning intimate conduct.

Lev 18:3-5 You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the Lord your God. Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the Lord.

Exo 20:14 NIV  "you shall not commit adultery.

Exo 20:17 NIV  "you shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Lev 18:6-22  "'no one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the Lord. "'do not dishonor your father by having sexual relations with your mother. She is your mother; do not have relations with her. "'do not have sexual relations with your father's wife; that would dishonor your father. "'do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere. "'do not have sexual relations with your son's daughter or your daughter's daughter; that would dishonor you. "'do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father's wife, born to your father; she is your sister. "'do not have sexual relations with your father's sister; she is your father's close relative. "'do not have sexual relations with your mother's sister, because she is your mother's close relative. "'do not dishonor your father's brother by approaching his wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt. "'do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law. She is your son's wife; do not have relations with her. "'do not have sexual relations with your brother's wife; that would dishonor your brother. "'do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter. Do not have sexual relations with either her son's daughter or her daughter's daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness. "'do not take your wife's sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living. "'do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period. Lev 18:20  "'do not have sexual relations with your neighbor's wife and defile yourself with her. "'do not give any of your children to be sacrificed to molech, for you must not profane the name of your God. I am the Lord. "'do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable. "'do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.

Lev 18:23-30  "'do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the aliens living among you must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you. "'Everyone who does any of these detestable things--such persons must be cut off from their people.

Although this is not the topic of this book we will have a brief word here about homosexuality. As shown by the verses above God has given us a guideline for sexual conduct. He has also given us the power to overcome our natural but sinful wicked desires for conduct outside his guidelines, through the Holy Spirit after we are saved and in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Lev 20:13 NIV  "'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Deu 22:5 NIV  A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.

Many homosexuals say amongst themselves and to others, I cant help it, I was born this way. By this they mean to justify their actions and sexual activities. They may be absolutely correct that they were born with tendencies toward that direction, as some ladies may be left brain thinkers and some men may be right brain thinkers. The scriptures are in agreement that we have all gone astray and have tendencies toward sin.

Isa 53:6  We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Then they (some in the homosexual community) go on and accuse anyone that is modifying their behavior to conform with God’s standards as being in denial of their natural tendencies, and again they are correct. We all like sheep have gone astray and are naturally bent toward sin, be it sexual or some other type. And as far as denial, Jesus himself did say;

Mat 16:24-27  then said Jesus unto his disciples, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself , and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?  For the son of man shall come in the glory of his father with his angels; and then he shall reward Every man according to his works.

Mark 8:34-38  and when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his father with the holy angels.

Luke 9:23-26  and he said to them all, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his father's, and of the holy angels.

So then, if you are attracted to any of the sins listed in God’s guidelines for sexual conduct, be it homosexuality, lesbianism, adultery, fornication, bestiality or some other sin, pray that God will give you the ability to refrain from this and begin to follow his guidelines. Remember, as stated earlier, God gave us all of these rules for our good, that we may lead happy and productive lives, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. It is because he loves us he gave us his word.

(1 Cor 6:9-11 NIV)  Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Chapter 9: >   9. Adultery