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How To Find A Good Christian Wife, And Keep Her! |
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Chapter 7: Dating Asking For A Date (How To Ask For A Date
Or A Phone Number)
You cannot influence a lady to go out with you if you don’t know what her hot buttons are. You find that out by listening. I’m not talking about sex here, but what her interests are. You could start by asking her; could we get together some time for lunch (or coffee or a drink or dinner, or something else, as seems appropriate) if yes, then ask, how can I get in touch with you? Then hopefully she will give her phone number of email address or some way to contact her. According to a poll of single ladies the best way to ask for a lady’s phone number after just meeting her I enjoyed talking with you tonight, would you mind if I called you sometime.” You can substitute any word for talking, if that is not the right term. Perhaps you were working with her at a church function or some other type of activity. The key here is to say that you enjoyed her company and would like to see her again. Be forthright in asking for her number. I have to be going now but I’d love to see you again, can I call you? If she doesn’t want to give you her number, give her your number. Say, OK, here is my number, call me if you get the urge for some company, I’d love to hear from you. Use your business card, if you cant get her number, she just may call someday. Keep your first call short and sweet. Any chit chatting should be done at the beginning of your call and kept to a minimum. Always keep the conversation flowing. The longer you talk the more likely it is you will make a mistake and say something stupid. Don’t give her a chance to get nervous and begin to change her mind and try to wiggle out of the meeting. Make the date and hang up. After you have become good friends you can spend hours on the phone chit chatting, but don’t take that risk in the beginning. Get a date and talk to her over dinner in person. OK, we met a gal, talked to her and got her number, asked her out, she said yes, and now we are on our way to pick her up. What can we expect in the next few weeks? The First Date
Calling her it 2 or 3 days after meeting her is the very best time to call. Your first date with any woman is simply to get to know her and to have fun. It should be playful and casual. This is not the time to drop a lot of money on a woman. Nor is it the time to be romantic and bring her a dozen long stem roses. Do not make a big investment financially or emotionally on the first date. The way you handle the first date will determine if there is going to be a second date. And you generally need two or three dates with a woman before you can establish a close friendship or relationship. Send the flowers after the first date, if you really do want to see her again. Dinner and movies are the standard fare today, but don’t limit yourself to that if something else that’s fun is available. Perhaps a concert or some type of other event that she would enjoy. Active dates are generally better that passive dates where the two of you square off and have to talk all of the time. Take her where something is happening where she will have fun. Make her first memories of you positive. You don’t want her thinking she was bored or uncomfortable on the first date when you call for the second date. Take her to something where neither you nor her have to provide all of the entertainment for each other. Take her to a concert or a comedy club or the zoo or something that will take that “first date” pressure off of both of you. Let your date know how much you enjoy being with her. Tell her how much you like talking to her. Tell her at the end of the night too how much you enjoyed her company, Even if she didn’t enjoy yours that much she will be glad that you had a good time and that will be a positive note for the date. With the power of suggestion working she might later begin to think that she had a good time too, and maybe she did but was just a little too nervous to realize it at the moment. Women are embarrassed to be with a guy who is a cheapskate at tipping, especially if they are in a vocation where they live on tips. You don’t have to be excessive, but make sure you leave at least fifteen percent to your waiters and waitresses or whatever is appropriate in a tipping situation. Your actions are a reflection on her while she is with you. For all the people know around you the two of you could be engaged or married, so don’t make her feel like she is out with a cheapskate jerk. The Second Date
Now is the time to get a little bit romantic. She went out with you once, and must have felt comfortable enough with you to accept another date. Now is the time for a card, candy, flowers, a gag gift, something to stimulate the situation and let her know you like her. Nothing expensive though, don’t make her feel like she owes you something or you are trapping her. Just something light and friendly. If possible, bring her something that has to do with something she said on your first date. If she said she likes birds, bring her a bag of birdseed. She will love you, not so much for the gift, but for listening to what she said the last time you were out together. The point is not the cost of the gift, its showing that you pay attention to what she says. Also this is a good time to perform chivalrous deeds. Opening doors, taking off coats, etc. Be a gentleman. The Third Date
This is the make it or break it date. According to a national survey the average number of dates before a couple has sexual relations is three. I’m not recommending this, just giving it to you for information to show that a serious relationship can develop on the third date. The third date will usually tell the tale as to whether the friendship is going to progress farther or stay at friendship or regress to just acquaintances. So then, if your interested in a lady and you can convince her to go out with you three times, and she likes you, you’re on your way to a relationship with her, if you want one. On the third date, make sure you pay because your objective is to make this date as romantic as possible. A place with candles would be a nice start also. Plan for the third date to take place at night because things tend to be more romantic at night. Take the extra time and money to make the third date as romantic as possible. The First Kiss
The first kiss needs to be sensitive and passionate, but not too aggressive. It needs to be done with feeling. One that tells her you want her but you are willing to wait for her to feel secure. If there is a fourth date, you are more than just casual acquaintances and friends. Sexual Chemistry
Sexual chemistry as used here is defined as sexual attraction between two people. If only one person is attracted to another then there is no chemistry. One person may feel attracted to another, but only when both people feel the same way about each other is a true sexual chemistry said to exist. Your physical appearance, self esteem and mental attitude are all factors in your ability to generate sexual chemistry. So, you may have to invest in a better wardrobe, adjust your thinking patterns, or raise your self esteem in order to exude more sex appeal. But the main factor responsible for your ability to generate sexual chemistry, according to new scientific findings, comes from the way you communicate with the opposite sex. Sexual chemistry is not a function of your age or how good looking you are, it is a function of your communication skills. Some people seem to be born with the natural ability to generate sexual chemistry. They don’t know how or why they have it, just that they do and many use it to get what they want. Most of us though don’t seem to have it naturally, but once we learn what it actually consists of, we can begin to control it and use it to consciously influence and arouse the opposite sex. This could happen within the first three minutes of actual conversation or it may take a few dates. In this stage the man and the woman both feel an excitement in the air around them when they are near each other. Very often this happens to one person or the other, but not to both. When it does happen to both though that is when the sparks of love or lust will begin to fly. This is a normal first stage of love, the subconscious of both people has taken over and they know there is something about the other person that they are very much attracted to. If this happens and you are interested in the lady, strike while the iron is hot as they say. If you wait and think about it will cool down. Now is the time to make another date, future plans with the woman. Something soon, within the next few days and then see what happens. See if you both feel the same way after the next date and reassess situation every time you get together until you decide whether to talk about being an "Item", dating only each other. Often after the first date you will find that though you really are attracted to some things about her, she’s not the one for you. You may find that there are reasons why the two of you would just not be compatible or she may have too many problems from the past in her life for you to reasonably deal with. You may not be able to deal with her children, stalker ex-husbands or boyfriends, physical illnesses or a host of other problems. Whatever the case may be, after about three dates you will have to make a decision as to whether you are going to keep seeing this lady or not. If so, you may have found your soulmate. We all have baggage in this world. But, in order for two people to travel down the road of life together we have to make sure that as a team we can carry the baggage that we both bring into the situation. Her problems become your problems and vice versa. Before you really get serious, honestly think about and discuss those things. The time for perfect honesty is now. There will only be slight pain in breaking up after three dates. If the skeletons come out of the closet 6 months down the road and the relationship ends then, you will both be hurting much more. Plus, you will have lost six good nmonths when you could have been dating other ladies and my by now have already met miss right. If the situation is just not going to be workable, for whatever reason, try not to hurt her feelings and keep her as a friend. Just tell her you don’t think it could work out between you two in the long term but you value her as a close friend and always will. Hopefully she can accept this and you can continue to be casual friends. If she can’t and turns out to be a fatal attraction type then you will have to avoid her as much as possible in the future, for her own benefit as well as yours. Our purpose as humans is to help other humans, and if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them if at all possible. Practice the golden rule. Treat others like you would like to be treated. Always let the girl down easy and give her an honorable way out. Don’t just dump her like an old shoe. That will just ruin her for the next guy, the one who may be able to handle whatever problems she has. He will have to work extra hard to undo your damage if you hurt her badly when you stop seeing her. Again, give the woman an easy let down if you are not interested in becoming her husband. Just say, "I think we have too many differences to ever be married, so lets just stay friends." If you want to be successful with the ladies, be bold in introducing yourself to them, train yourself to listen to and understand them, and learn how to dance. Then you will be a success. Eight Rules For A New Start
1. Take all of your old lines and baloney and throw them in the trash can 2. Be sincere 3. Show the women that you are capable of having and understanding feelings. 4. Delete from you personality the things women hate in a man. 5. Incorporate into your personality the things women love in a man. 6. Maintain your appearance, grooming and cleanliness. 7. Project a “safe” image. (And be 'Safe," A man a woman can trust) 8. Stop worrying about rejection. 2 Cor 9:6 Remember this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Never stop trying, the more you put into anything, the more you will get out of it. If you want to get the most out of what life has to offer you have to be ready to grab opportunity at a moments notice. In many instances, if you pause, even for a second, the moment evaporates. Analyzing, plotting and planning are the death of spontaneity. You don’t have time to think too much, so practice until your responses are automatic. Study the techniques of this book carefully. Forget about losing ten pounds, working out two hours a day, wearing a certain style of clothes, or how much money you have to make. None of those things make a bit of difference as to whether or not you are going to be rejected by a woman, or if they do, she’s not the woman a Christian man wants anyway.. You need to choose the best things out of this book that you can use, adjust them to your personality, and move forward with the program and meet the woman of your dreams. It’s a fact that you can attract many single women anytime you want if you follow the guidelines that have been laid out in this book. It is not what you look like at all, it is what you know and how you use it. Is It Really Love? 1. You know it's really love when you can tell them anything and they listen. 2. You know it's love when they would do anything with you, even go to a football game. 3. You know it's really love when they stare at you and don't mind when you stare back. 4. You know it's really love when you love the whole package. The 5 Ways People Show Affection
In order to keep your new relationship together you will need to identify what it is that makes your wife or soulmate happy. We are all different and respond differently to acts of love. Be alert to the things that made your partner happy during the dating period and be sure to continue them after you have become an “item.” Some of the more common ones are listed below. 1. Compliments 2. Gifts 3. Physical touch 4. Acts of service 5. Quality time As I said in the beginning of this book, there are many books on the market about keeping a relationship together. Utilize that resource right from the start and make your love last a lifetime. A Good Wife
A good, and faithful, and prudent wife is a blessing from God. The man who finds one has received a great favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 NIV he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 19:14 NIV houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Proverbs 31:10 NIV a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Eccl 7:28 NIV while I was still searching but not finding-- I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all. A good woman is more rare than one in a thousand, so if you find one, treat her right and keep her. A Quarrelsome (Nagging) Wife
According to God it is preferable to be single than to live with a nagging wife. This is true for both sexes. It is better for a woman to remain single than to marry below her standards, and be sorry for it later. Prov 11:22 NIV like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. Proverbs 19:13 NIV a foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. Proverbs 21:9 NIV better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:19 NIV better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. Prov 30:21-23 "under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up: a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food, an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress. According to God’s word it is better to live in an attic or in the desert alone than with an unsuitable marriage partner. This is true for both women and men, so if you are thinking about getting married try to visualize what life will be like with this person ten, twenty or thirty years down the road and be sure you are prepared to handle it. Otherwise you may find yourself in a situation where you find yourself torn between two desires, the desire to please God and stay married, and the desire to divorce and get out of a miserable marriage. At least if a person is single, the finding of a good marriage partner could be right around the corner. A person involved in a bad marriage can be sure that nothing but misery lies ahead for quite some time. The Kind Of Woman To Look For
1 Pet 3:1-10 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. Define Your Desire To God
Go for what you really want. Going for what is going to get you excited. Never feel ashamed for who you are or what you want, as long as you are sure that you are in God’s will for your life. There is a woman in this world, and more than one, who wants a Godly man for her husband, and God wants you to become a good husband to one of those women and bring joy to her life. So ask him, pray every day the he will help through the Holy Spirit to make you into the kind of person that will be a good and caring and faithful husband to a Godly woman. Psa 145:19 KJV he will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. Prov 10:24 KJV the fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him: but the desire of the righteous shall be granted. Prov 13:12 & 19 KJV hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul: Psa 37:4-5 KJV delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. We often allow our needs to go unmet because we never stop to consider whether asking for more is possible. The Lord has told us to ask for our desires and promised to answer if we are living for him. It is a sin NOT to ask, so be sure to do so. Mat 19:26 KJV but Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, with men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. Mark 9:23 "'if you can'?" Said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Luke 18:27 NIV Jesus replied, "what is impossible with men is possible with God." Chapter 8: > 8. God's Rules for Intimacy |