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How To Find A Good Christian Wife, And Keep Her! |
Chapter 6: Persuasion
The first rule of persuasion is to develop a plan to minimize resistance. If you stir up resentment or humiliation with an ill designed approach, it becomes almost impossible to convince later with logic or reason. People who are truly effective at influencing others start with a goal, formulate a plan for achieving it, then stick to it, refusing to be sidetracked by anything. Be careful while pursuing this goal though not to resort to arguing or the battle will most likely be lost. Self control is critical when influencing others. We need to become experts at understanding what motivates a woman, and at doing so in a matter of minutes, not hours, days or weeks. If the lady is practical, emphasize the facts, if she is driven more by passions stress the human side of any issue. Adapting our message to fit others requirements does not mean deceiving people. We cannot interact effectively with others unless we can see the world as they see it and express ourselves in terms they can understand. Sharing a deep rapport with a woman is a powerful space to be in from which you can lead a woman into situations you desire. God spoke to us in parables and metaphors in the bible so we could understand his meaning in human terms. In the same manner, men need to speak to women in terms the woman can easily grasp. (Mat 13:34-35 NIV) Jesus spoke all these things to the crowd in parables; he did not say anything to them without using a parable.So was fulfilled what was spoken through the prophet: "I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter things hidden since the creation of the world." (Mat 13:53-54 NIV) When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. "Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?" they asked. Concentrate On Her Needs
Forget about yourself and your needs while persuading, focus on her needs. If you meet her needs, and include yourself as part of the solution, then both of you will have your needs met. This is not just to get a first date, but a lifelong process. The goal is to mutually meet each others needs, but as the man you need to stress how you will meet her needs, in order to begin and strengthen the relationship, and by doing so she will eventually meet your needs. Explain how you can help her achieve her goals and do the things she likes to do. Try to identify the other persons need and desire before beginning the persuasion process. If you are unable to verify their need before starting, be very alert to pick up any clues they give you along the way as to what they want. Try to find what a lady wants. Is it a boyfriend to do things with, emotional or financial security, a father figure for her children or something else. After finding out her need begin to present ways to her that you can help fill that need. If you are interested that is, in becoming her husband. This is a whole lot better than trying to convince her that you need her for whatever reason, be it companionship, love or sex. Unless she is one of the “I want to take a poor man down in the gutter and make something out him” types, you wont have much success. Some questions to lead into helping her improve her life. Do you like to have fun? What do you enjoy doing? Where do you like to go? After finding out what she likes to do, offer to accompany her to such an event. Ladies may like hundreds of different things. Be ready do things you have never done before. She may like concerts, crafts, operas, museums, painting, walking, biking, or anything under the sun. You can begin with saying “I’ve always wanted to do that, perhaps we could help each other out here. I’ll be glad to drive and pay if you will teach me something about blank. Scarcity is also a powerful motivator. All you have to do is convince the other person that her option to do something (the thing you want done) might be taken away or become impossible if she doesn’t act now. The possibility of missing out raises the value of whatever the object is. She may agree to go to see the Purple Toads live concert, even if she doesn’t like them that much, if you stress, it may be the last chance to see them in person because you heard the lead singer is going solo after this tour. Approach the problem from the correct angle. How will complying with your wishes benefit the other person? Put some drama into your persuasive efforts. The purest form of success in persuasion is to convince others to believe in the correctness of your position and desire to comply for their own benefit. Thats how politicians get elected. As you listen you will be tempted to interrupt, argue, correct, dismiss, debate, and defend. Don’t do it. Let the other person fully express their views before presenting yours. Remember, there is power in expressing yourself last. By waiting for the other person to finish and run out of words and saving your comments for the end of the discussion, your words will have more power, because they have been the most recently spoken. Remember, the person who has the last word is usually the winner, save your words for the time when you feel the conversation is almost over, strive to hold your tongue and speak last. It’s a psychological thing, but powerful, that he who speaks last is the winner. Let her speak last, when she says exactly what you want to hear. She wins, and you win! Its another win-win proposition. Persuade her into seeing things your way by agreeing with her own statements Every time she says something you like and not arguing when she says something you don’t agree with. Keep all your persuasion in an arena she feels comfortable with. Make it easy for her to say yes. Try to keep her unaware of any alternatives there may be. Don’t let her think there may be other possibilities tonight, other than you. Lead her to believe that it is perfectly natural for the both of you to get together. During your persuasion process tell her how nice it is to do something a little adventurous for a change. Do not make it too adventurous, just a little. A little bit exciting just to get out of a rut. You have to persuade this lady that she will gain richly by going out with you, not monetarily, but in the possibility of wonderful friendship. Remember now, when you have her attention that you are selling her something she already wants, a relationship, and you want one too, or you wouldn't have read this far. Beautiful Women
A secret: Most beautiful women have less choices in men than average looking women. It seems like the opposite would be true, but it is not. You would think that beautiful women would have many choices because every guy wants them. It’s true that a lot of men want them but because not many feel they can get them they don’t try. Basically the average looking guys go after the average looking girls. Most beautiful women are very lonely because the men feel inferior to them and are afraid to ask them out. Many beautiful women aren’t even approached by handsome men, so they sit home on Friday nights or go out with their girlfriends and not with a guy. Don't be afraid to ask a beautiful woman out. Remember the Cyndi Lauper song, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!" It's true, for all women, beautiful or plain, girls just wanna have fun! Do them a favor, take them out and show them a good time. Once you grasp the power that comes with understanding how ladies think, you will lose your fear of approaching beautiful women. You will realize beautiful women do not have that many choices concerning men in their lives, so they likely can be persuaded to go out with you. Since there are very few choices in her life to begin with, how could she say no to a man who has the understanding that you will have when you grasp the principles presented here. You will be the one with all of the choices. A lot of ugly guys marry beautiful women. It's not without cause, they know something that a lot of guys don't. Knowledge is power. Now that is not to say that you should only seek after women who look like they should be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. God has made every person beautiful in their own way. All I'm saying is, don't be afraid of beautiful women and rule out asking them for a date because you feel they are too good for you. View all women as if you have blinders on. Look at them like Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles would. See what is in their heart toward the Lord, focus on inner beauty most of all. Just don't be intimidated by outward beauty. (1 Pet 3:3-4 NIV) Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. A lot of times you will find beautiful women recovering from a broken relationship. During your persuasion process try to find out what caused the breakup and relate to her on that point. Tell her you feel that no one should be suffering like she is, no matter what her story is. It's true. There would be no suffering in this world if it wasn't for Satan and sin, so that is always true. No matter what the situation was in her previous relationship, empathize with her. Even if some of the blame was hers, she's still hurting. Help her. No matter whose fault an auto accident is, the ambulance crew is there to help. They don't say, we heard you ran the red light mister, so just lay there and die. It's your own fault for being so stupid. Be helpful to ladies with problems, no matter what the cause. Influencing People, Especially Women, To See
Things Your Way
Meeting a woman, talking with her, getting a date, and going out on that date, those are all great accomplishments. Now comes the hard part. Getting her to listen to reason. Below are some common needs you can use to influence people and win them over to your way of thinking.. 1. The need to obtain a reward or escape a penalty. 2. The need to be nice to people. (make them like you and want to make you happy.) 3. The need to avoid missing out. 4. The need to go along with the group. 5. The need to bow to an expert. (self proclaimed though you may be.) 6. The need to obey rules. Show that rule, custom, and precedent are on your side. 7. The need to avoid wasted effort, if they already have a lot of time and work invested, they won't want to walk away with nothing. 8. The need to feel virtuous. Show your opponent that your way is the true and moral way for it to be done. 9. The need to get some sleep. Some people may concede when they are tired just to quit the discussion. 10. The desire to be in a relationship By making it a winning situation for her you are making it a winning situation for you also. Think Win-Win! What A Woman Wants In A Man
(Based on interviews with thousands of women) 1. A nice personality 77% 2. Good manners 73% 3. A sense of humor 70% 4. Honest 53% 5. Friendly 53% 6. Neat dresser 32% 7. A nice smile 27% 8. Romantic 14% If you look at the chat above you will see that the number one attribute that women seek in a man is a nice personality. Going right along with that is good manners which is number two. The third thing a lady likes is a man with a good sense of humor, a guy that’s fun to be with. Honest and friendly were tied at a little more than 50% each followed by being a neat dresser and having a nice smile. Romantic was last on the list, but remember, this survey was designed to find out what qualities women wanted in a man when they first met him. Honesty and romance would probably move up a little on the list if the question were “what qualities do you seek in a soul mate.” If you concentrate on becoming a man with all eight characteristics listed above you will be an attractive person to most women Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness
Certainly this is a duty, not a sin. "Cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness." Sermon on dress by John Wesley. Always try to look nice. Most women prefer clothes that are clean and neat rather than distressed, worn, or dirty. The way you look according to women has more to do with a sense of style and good grooming than it does with your God given physical characteristics. One of the biggest complaints I hear from ladies at singles dances is that the men come in looking like they have just finished washing their car, while they (the ladies) have spent hours getting ready. They would like for the guys to have at least taken a bath or shower and put on some clean clothes. Don't worry too much about your clothing style. Your girlfriend will buy you some nice clothes for birthdays, Christmas and holidays if she doesn't like what you wear. Just make sure you are neat, clean and don't stink. Put on a little cologne after your shower, before you go out. Hey, we can't help getting a little grubby, or in some cases very dirty, when working to earn a living, but, dirt washes off. Thats what showers are made for. Use them. Women are keenly aware of a mans grooming. They go through a mental checklist Every time they see a guy. Is his hair cut, are his fingernails clean and clipped, are his shoes polished, is his hair combed, are his clothes clean, has he bathed, what kind of cologne is he wearing. All of these things are important to a woman, so do your best to impress her. It doesn’t cost much to be clean and neat, and it will pay big dividends. Always take the extra time to look your best when you go out. One woman says, just by looks alone, from across the room, she is usually attracted to guys who kind of stand out, like their different from the rest of the guys in the place. The have an air of confidence about themselves. If you go out like a slob you will feel like a slob, and if you go out looking good, you will have more confidence, and a woman can sense that confidence and is attracted to it. When you look better, you will feel better, more confident. Like a warrior going into battle with sharp sword, go into the battle of finding a wife dressed for success. What Women Dislike In A Man 1. Full of himself 2. Sloppy looks 3. Showoff 4. Expects sex 5. Swears 6. Bad odor 7. Bad teeth 8. Insensitive 9. Bad manners 10. Drunk 11. Macho 12. Lies 13. Smokes 14. Chauvinistic Show Her Respect
Deep down inside what many women want from men is respect. Because that’s what they don’t get. Women want to be admired and appreciated for their special qualities. Never forget to admire, compliment and respect the woman you desire. Put her first and it will pay off for you in big dividends. Women want you to show them that they are genuinely interested in them. Admire the woman your with, respect her, and make her the center of your world. She will love you for it. Be Romantic
Most women agree they are attracted to men who are romantic. The way you talk, give her compliments. One woman says she loves it when a guy brings her flowers, Even if she knows its a trick. Women just love to get flowers, it always works. Being romantic often means just doing the little things. Send her a card, write her a poem, bring her just one flower. Women need reassurance constantly. They want to hear you say, “I think you are the most lovely and wonderful woman I have ever met in my life.” Don’t over do it though, especially if you are not yet the only man in her life, but are still pursuing her. Just the right amount of candle light, wine and roses does the trick, and perhaps a small box of fancy chocolates on occasion. Have A Sense Of Humor
Be fun, be lighthearted at times. Watch for funny situations to point out, tell a joke now and then, but make sure its not one that offends her, have the courage to sometimes be weird, ridiculous, spontaneous and zany. Don’t be a starched white shirt, all business person all the time. Take a chance and let your inhibitions go. Once again remind yourself that, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Chapter 7: > 7. Dating: Asking For A Date |