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How To Find A Good Christian Wife, And Keep Her! |
Chapter: 14: The Goal; A Biblical Marriage
Our God is a God who believes in order and in the chain of command. God the father is over Christ, Christ is over the angels and men, men are over their wives, and the wives are over the children. All humans are over the animals. This is the order that God expects us to adhere to while we are alive on this earth. God has set rules in place for marriages. This does not mean that one person is more valuable in God’s sight than another any more than being a boss at work makes one any better of a Christian than being a worker. In every human endeavor someone has to be responsible for leadership. At work it should be the supervisor, at church it should be the pastor, and in the home it should be the husband. When these rules of leadership are violated disorder, discord and confusion is the result. Because of sin, not all leaders perform their functions well and so rebellion to God’s order is common in the world today. Ephesians 5:21 NIV Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in Everything. 1 Cor 11:3 & 8-9 NIV now I want you to realize that the head of Every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. Wives should submit to their husbands, and her husband should submit to Christ. Many men have used these verses down through the centuries to try to make their wives feel guilty if they do not obey the husband like a slave. This is not the intention of God, to make the wife a slave. Any man who expects his wife to obey him must do what follows this command to wives, the command for the husbands. Ephesians 5:25 NIV husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:28-30 NIV in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one Ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. Ephesians 5:33 NIV however, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Any husband who expects his wife to obey him in all things, must himself be willing to give his life for his wife, and be obedient to Christ in all things, and love his wife as he loves his own body. If a man does this then he will not treat his wife in a manner the he himself would not want to be treated if the roles were reversed. 1 Cor 11:11-12 NIV in the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. A man who expects his wife to follow the word of God, must follow it himself and love his wife as much as he loves himself, and treat her accordingly. Ephesians 5:31-32 NIV "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. Paul understood the mystery of what marriage signifies, the union of Christ to the church at the first resurrection, when all believers will be united to God in our new and perfect bodies. The mystery that Paul was talking about is the fact that the church, the saved of all ages is called in the scriptures, "the bride of Christ," and "the wife of the Lamb." Revelation 21:9 NIV one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, "come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the lamb." Revelation 19:7-9 let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." (fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.) Then the angel said to me, "write: 'blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb!'" and he added, "these are the true words of God." Revelation 21:2-4 NIV I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe Every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Human marriage symbolizes the time when God and men will dwell together in perfect unity after the return of Christ. If you are a man and hate being in a position of leadership in the home or if you are a woman and hate being under submission to your husband, rejoice, better days are coming!!! Luke 20:34-36 and Jesus answering said unto them, the children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: but they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage: neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection. Mark 12:25 NIV when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. At the resurrection there will be no male or female beings, we will all be made equal to the angels, but while we are here on this earth we are to live according to the commands of God for whatever type of body he saw fit to put us into. To do this is pleasing to God and earns rewards at the judgment seat of Christ. In the meantime, enjoy as much as you can the joys of marriage here on earth, make the best of it, for their will be no marriage in heaven. Like the song says ”in heaven there is no beer, that’s why we drink it here,” so, in heaven there is no marriage, so enjoy it here, savor every moment. As another saying goes, “only one life twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.” So, let’s please him (Christ) in our marriages, enjoy them, and look forward to heaven. Fidelity
God commands and expects fidelity in a marriage, by both partners. God compares being faithful to your marriage partner to drinking water from your own well. Proverbs 5:15-21 NIV drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you Ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. Being Active In The Church After Remarriage
After you remarry you may wish to become more active in the church, if you are not already before you marry. You cannot be involved in a relationship outside of marriage and be active in the church and be pleasing to God. 1 Tim 3:2 NIV now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 1 Tim 3:12 NIV a deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well. Titus 1:6 NIV an elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Remember, being involved in an affair is the same as having two wives and that’s not legal in the United States. Even if polygamy were legal having more than one wife would still bar one from being in a position of leadership in the church because it shows a lack of self control. Only a man with one wife and no mistresses can biblically be a church leader. To do so otherwise is to be outside the will of God because it is a violation of his word. Intentionally living outside the will of God is asking for trouble. Except that repentance comes swiftly, judgment surely will. Prov 25:28 like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. Gal 5:22-23 but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Children
When you finally do meet a woman that you care for, she just may already have one or more children, or you may decide to have some of your own with her in the future. You need to talk about these things before you marry. You need to know how to deal with her children if your going to make your relationship work. You need to talk with her about what your role will be if you marry or even get into a deep relationship. Studies show that the children of divorced parents greatest desire is that their biological divorced parents would not hate each other. Not that the children would all like their biological parents to get back together, but only that they would not fight and berate one another at every opportunity. This makes the child feel like an unwanted accident of nature, rather than a being that God loves and has a plan for. It’s not your job to determine your girlfriend or spouse’s relationship with her ex, but for the children’s sake, don’t undermine it either. Also, don’t try to take the place of the father unless the child is very young, or the former husband has passed away and you legally adopt them, or he has disappeared and abandoned them entirely. And even in those cases, don’t try to conceal the fact that you are not the biological father. In most cases it best to treat the children as a big brother would, a protector and friend, not a surrogate father. Paul, in Ephesians, then goes on and gives commands for bringing up children. Children verses
Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise-- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Deu 5:29 NIV oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever! Deu 6:2 NIV so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Deu 6:5-7 love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deu 11:18-19 & 21 fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. So that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. In most cases it is best that the children have access to both of their biological parents. The exceptions are when physical abuse is an issue, when there has been criminal sexual conduct, or in the case of diagnosed (by a doctor) mental illness. (and that doesn’t mean that you think your ex is crazy) When parents have been through a divorce, the kids who are old enough to have some understanding of what is going on have been through a divorce too. Remember, if you marry a lady with children, and most of the ladies you meet will have some, be prepared to do what is right and be a positive influence in her children’s lives and give them positive reinforcement. This is the right thing to do before God. Some Praise, Compliments And Positive Reiniorcment
For Children
1. Wow 2. You mean the world to me 3. Way to go 4. You make my day 5. Super 6. Magnificent 7. Outstanding 8. Marvelous 9. Excellent 10. Great 11. Phenomenal 12. You’re sensational 13. Well done 14. Super work 15. Fantastic 16. Fantastic job 17. I’m proud of you 18. You’re a star in my book 19. You can do it 20. You tried hard 21. Now you’ve got it 22. You’re incredible 23. Awesome 24. Good job 25. Your a winner 26. A big hug 27. I love you 28. Terrific Now That I’ve Found Her, Should I Marry Her?
Marriage is a serious step that should not be entered into lightly, as our studies from the scriptures have shown us. So now that we have found the woman of our dreams how do we know if it is God’s will for us to marry or just our own lustful desires? Is love enough, or are there more things to be considered? 1. What is the best witness for Christ. 2. Do both us feel we really need to be married? 3. Do both of us feel we really need to be married to each other? 4. Do we love each other? 5. If God’s opinion was, “it’s up to you folks, do whatever you really want to do, whatever will make you happier in your life on earth”, what would you do? (insert, desires or your heart scripture) 6. Seek the advice and counseling of a happily married couple. (minimum 25 years of happy marriage) 7. Take a Christian based pre marital class from a church, a pastor, or a Christian marriage counselor. 8. Read the prayer of Tobit and his wife as they entered into marriage.(Below) Tob 7:1-18 And when they were come to Ecbatane, they came to the house Of Raguel, and Sara met them: and after they had saluted one Another, she brought them into the house. Then said Raguel to Edna his wife, how like is this young man To Tobit my cousin! And Raguel asked them, from whence are ye, brethren? To whom they said, we are of the sons of Nephthalim, which are captives In Nineve. Then he said to them, do ye know Tobit our kinsman? And they said, we know him. Then said he, is he in good health? And they said, he is both alive, and in good health: and Tobias said, he is my father. Then Raguel leaped up, and kissed him, and wept, And blessed him, and said unto him, thou art the son of an honest and good man. But when he had heard that Tobit was blind, He was sorrowful, and wept. And likewise Edna his wife and Sara his daughter wept. Moreover they entertained them cheerfully; and after that they Had killed a ram of the flock, they set store of meat on the table. Then said Tobias to Raphael, brother Azarias, speak of those things of which thou didst talk in the way, and let this business be dispatched. So he communicated the matter with Raguel: and Raguel said to Tobias, eat and drink, and make merry: For it is meet that thou shouldest marry my daughter: Nevertheless I will declare unto thee the truth. I have given my daughter in marriage to seven men, who died that night they came in unto her: nevertheless for the present be merry. But Tobias said, I will eat nothing here, till we agree and swear one to another. Raguel said, then take her from henceforth according to the manner, for thou art her cousin, and she is thine, and the merciful God give you good success in all things. Then he called his daughter Sara, and she came to her father, and he took her by the hand, and gave her to be wife to Tobias, saying, behold, take her after the law of Moses, and lead her away to thy father. And he blessed them; and called Edna his wife, and took paper, and did write an Instrument of covenants, and sealed it. Then they began to eat. After Raguel called his wife Edna, and said unto her, sister, prepare another chamber, and bring her in thither. Which when she had done as he had bidden her, she brought her thither: and she wept, and she received the tears of her daughter, and said unto her, be of good comfort, my daughter; the Lord of heaven and earth give thee joy for this thy sorrow: be of good comfort, my daughter. Tob 8:1-21 And when they had supped, they brought Tobias in unto her. And as he went, he remembered the words of Raphael, and took the ashes of the perfumes, and put the heart and the liver of the fish thereupon, and made a smoke therewith. The which smell when the evil spirit had smelled, he fled into the utmost parts of Egypt, and the angel bound him. And after that they were both shut in together, Tobias rose out of the bed, and said, sister, arise, and let us pray that God would have pity on us. Then began Tobias to say, blessed art thou, o God of our fathers, and blessed is thy holy and glorious name for Ever; let the heavens bless thee, and all thy creatures. Thou madest Adam, and gavest him Eve his wife for an helper and stay: of them came mankind: thou hast said, it is not good that man should be alone; let us make unto him an aid like unto Himself. And now, o Lord, I take not this my sister for lust but uprightly: therefore mercifully ordain that we may become aged together. And she said with him, amen. So they slept both that night. And Raguel arose, and went and made a grave, saying, I fear lest he also be dead. But when Raguel was come into his house, He said unto his wife Edna. Send one of the maids, and let Her see whether he be alive: if he be not, that we may bury him, and no man know it. So the maid opened the door, and went in, and found them both asleep, And came forth, and told them that he was alive. Then Raguel praised God, and said, o God, thou art worthy to be praised with all pure and holy praise; therefore let thy saints praise thee with all thy creatures; and let all thine Angels and thine elect praise thee for ever. Thou art to be praised, for thou hast made me joyful; and that is not come to me which I suspected; but thou hast dealt with us according to thy great mercy. Thou art to be praised because thou hast had mercy of two that were the only begotten children of their fathers: grant them mercy, o Lord, and finish their life in health with joy and mercy. Then Raguel bade his servants to fill the grave. And he kept the wedding feast fourteen days. For before the days of the marriage were finished, Raguel had said unto him by an oath, that he should not depart till the fourteen days of the marriage were expired; And then he should take the half of his goods, and go in safety to his father; and should have the rest when I and my wife be dead. You can read the entire story of Tobit in a Greek or Catholic bible if you so desire. The point here is that the hand of God through his servants the angels was guiding the lives of all of the people in this narrative, not only for marriage but for healing. The final end of the matter concerning marriage is this, the marriage bed should be kept undefiled by both partners, for God will judge adulterers and all of the sexually immoral. Heb 13:4 NIV marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. |