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Chapter 1: The Origins Of Marriage In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth and gave Adam the job of naming all of the animals. Gen 1:1& 26 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Gen 2:20 & 18 and Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Adam needed more than God, he needed a wife. It was not good for him to be alone, the only one of his species. He needed a suitable partner, one who was strong in the areas he was weak, together they would complement each other perfectly. Gen 2:21-25 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. God created Adam first, then Eve from Adam, so that all humans would be descendants of Adam. He created humans in his image, that is with Godly attributes. Human beings have intelligence, freewill, and emotions. He (God) created woman from the side of man, to be a helper at his side. He did not create her from his head to rule over him, nor from his feet so he could trample on her, but from his side to walk with him. Gen 1:26 God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen 2:15-17 And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. Without Eve humankind was not complete. Adam would not be able to reproduce without a mate. We don’t know what the mental and emotional situation of Adam and Eve was before they fell into sin, but it is obvious that after sin entered the world men and women, like the animal kingdom had some different attributes. Gen 3:1-24 Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, yea, hath God said, ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, we may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, ye shall not surely die: for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as Gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, what is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, the serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the serpent, because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: and I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them. And the Lord God said, behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubim’s, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life. This history details the beginnings of sin and of the problems with relationships between men and women and also between all humans and God. Adam right from the very start blamed his problems on his wife, and regardless of whose fault it really was, the results of sin remain with us to this day. The Natural Differences Between Men And Women
After the fall into sin the roles of man and woman became more defined. Man would have to work hard to provide food for himself and his family whereas before this time there were no weeds and all he (Adam) had to do was the light work of dressing and trimming the food bearing plants that grew naturally. Gen 3:17-19 to Adam he said, "because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'you must not eat of it,' "cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." For the woman’s part she would now produce children with much pain, and the glass ceiling was installed, women would for the most part be under the dominion of men in the world until God restores all things to perfection at some time in the future. Gen 3:16 NIV to the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Note: The glass ceiling is a term used to describe the condition that men with equal or lesser abilities get promoted in the workplace before a woman. Men of lesser abilities are promoted in the workplace before women due to the fact that God has given men the responsibility (which some do not accept) of providing for the family. Many employers do not do this knowingly, and may even try to prevent it from happening, but it is a part of our human nature and psyche now and occurs whether we like it or not. I have reviewed this history for the purpose of showing that there are differences between men and women. God did not just give the different jobs to men and women without giving them the tools to do those jobs. Perception & Point Of View: Are We Communicating?
By Karen Rall
A Quick Review Of Perception In the 1950's, Roger Sperry discovered that human brains can decode a variety of types of information. He got a Nobel prize for it, so it really was cool research. Residing in the left hemisphere of the brain is the ability to use language, categorize, and sequence. Your left brain looks at complex information, then simplifies it into the mental equivalents of cartoons, icons and formulas. The left brain works with indexes and outlines. It creates timelines and it knows where you are at all times. It's organized and proud of it. Today's society pretends not to value to talents of the right brain. Its use is often discouraged. I say pretend, because our free time and much of our expendable income goes to purchasing music, games and entertainment that provides balance for our left-brained work days. People want and need to find challenges and ways to get in touch with the right brain capabilities. The right side is the true source of creativity, where we make all the illogical jumps that take us to comprehension. Its style of thinking is intuitive, perceptual, nonverbal, and spatial. The right brain forms first impressions, determines the "look and feel" of things. Right brained processes are felt or seen and therefore hard to describe (language is on the left side.) The right brain has its own language. We all understand it, but few of us are trained in its impressionistic vocabulary Classic Brain Training:
In school, we are trained to be logical, to solve all our problems using the cognitive capabilities of the left side of our brains. This makes us all into talented clerks who can fill out forms, find data in a library and write papers that are clones of the textbook example. The proposed rationale purports that this logical approach to life prepares us for the real world... And fulfills school district objectives. [as it is tax time, we must be thankful for these skills.] We do take the occasional class in art or music, but quickly learn that these courses don't really matter, since the grade won't help us get into college or provide information that will improve our sat scores. But what is most important to kids while learning these left brained skills? Music, computer games and all sorts of right brained activities that teenagers thrive on. Why? There must be a balance. No one can turn off half of their brains. The Process Of Understanding
There are innumerable methods of shaping your message so your audience/reader/listener will understand. This is important because you cannot control how a person will interpret your message. There are two factors affecting how a message is received: 1. The state of mind of a person when the message appears. (you know about this one, have you ever waited for the "right" time to disclose your big news.) 2 how each person thinks. This is simply based on everything they've ever learned, experienced or concluded. (yup, there are a lot of variables in there.) Example: movies provide viewers with a frame a reference. The viewer sits in a darkened theater as a carefully crafted drama unfolds. They see the Events from the frame of reference of the main character. This insures that the audience is in the right state of mind to fully grasp the message. Communication takes place. A message is sent and deciphered in context. The secret: if you hook the right brain, then the left brain has a better shot at paying attention. Quoted From: - Karen Rall. All rights reserved. Copyright ©1995 The Mental And Physical Differences Between Men
And Women
Men have more physical strength for work and are more inclined to be left brain thinkers. They engineer, design, build, labor and are more analytical. They tend to think in terms of black or white, right or wrong, yes or no. Ladies on the other hand are right brain thinkers. They were given the tools to nurture the family. They see the world through different glasses than men. God has given them a stronger emotional viewpoint than men. They don’t always see things in black or white, right or wrong, yes or no, but in varying shades of gray, which men cannot understand or comprehend. Now there is not an absolute formula that can be said to be that all men are 70% left brain and 30% right brain thinkers and the ladies vice versa. It is just a general characteristic of the worlds population. Individuals vary widely in their unique attributes. There are many men who think right brained, the great composers and artists of the world tend to be primarily right brain thinkers. There are also many women who are left brain thinkers, they sometimes seem to be “a man in a woman’s body.” In a general sense though, you will find that men tend to think more in an analytical way and women in the emotional realm. Because of the differences between men and women many women feel that their men just don’t understand them, and they are right. Men also say, I just can’t understand women, and they are right also, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Men can understand women, they just have to work at it if they are not naturally right brain thinkers. Understanding though, and agreeing are two different things. Just because a man and his wife understand what each other is saying for the first time, in no way means that they will agree with each other on whatever the subject may be. Now I’m not telling you to go out and become a gay right brain thinking male hairdresser just so you can understand the ladies point of view. But, in our society it has become the macho thing to do for men to refuse to show or acknowledge or understand emotions. We have “tough guy” mentality complex. It’s considered admirable to be cold, calculating, cunning and behave like Clint Eastwood in a western movie or the Marlboro man. The model man in western society, plays sports and works out, is ruthless in business, hangs out with his buds, drinks some beers, and can’t understand his woman. In later years the model changes into divorced middle aged man wearing a playboy robe and smoking a pipe with a lot of different playmates coming over to his bachelor love pad. He may marry a 2nd time and get another divorce, again because he just couldn’t understand her. Now he’s 50, twice divorced, and swears he will never again remarry, it costs too much and all women are crazy. He will just find one about 25 or 30 to shack with and change every few years before they can get any palimony out of him. With a role expectation like this it’s no wonder we can’t keep our marriages together. So, before we start to meet and date ladies in order to find a future mate we first have to build a foundation to work off of. It will not do us any good to meet the woman of our dreams if we do not know how to win her and keep her after we have done so. With that in mind we will begin studying the things we need to know to meet a woman, and understand how to keep her happy, content and interested, and to please God while doing so. Chapter 2: > 2. First Impressions |